New Years 

Reflection: It is traditional on New Year's Eve to reflect on your life and what you wish for in the coming year. In doing so, some people become preoccupied with comparing themselves to others in terms of success, money, and prestige. Thinking about what you wish for in terms of personal and professional future can cause anxiety and insecurity.

For example, Lydia, who is applying for an academic position, has convinced herself that only working for an Ivy League school will give her the recognition and respect she craves. Yet she acknowledges she’d probably be happier teaching at a small liberal arts college.Similarly, Greg is hoping to find a boyfriend whose charm, wit, intelligence, and good looks will dazzle his friends. That’s why Greg consistently rejects guys who do not look like models or sound like college professors. As a result, he remains single. For both Lydia and Greg, not knowing whether or not their wishes will come true is unnerving.Growing up with ambitious, successful parents, both Greg and Lydia learned the value of working hard to achieve their lofty goals. To people like Lydia and Greg, not pursuing the most prestigious job or the most desirable partner feels like a betrayal of their high standards, an embrace of mediocrity. They hope that other people's admiration and envywill make them feel more special and less insecure.Unfortunately, no amount of validation from other people seems to satisfy Greg and Lydia. Every time someone compliments them, they tell themselves that the person is either “too nice” or simply does not know them well enough. Thus, no matter how much they work to feel special in other people's eyes, they are never satisfied.Most of the time, our lives do not unfold according to our desired script. The fantasy of having one's dreams come true is rooted in the illusion that we know what will make us happy and how to make it happen. But so much of our experience is out of awareness— as human beings we are not conscious of the full range of our thoughts and feelings. This is just the way we are put together.And so many of us repeatedly discover that the jobs and people that seemed such a perfect match on paper turn out to be much less appealing in reality. At the same time, we are often surprised when the activities and people that we weren’t expecting to enjoy, bring us happiness and fulfillment. Our job is to look within—to cultivate relationships and experiences that might make us happy, even if they do not look fabulous or prestigious from the outside.